An Open Letter To New Mothers

Now I certainly don't consider myself an expert Mother, but I have survived the past 8 years of motherhood with my marriage and sanity (mostly) intact.

Over the past few months, I have spoken to some new mothers and have been left feeling somewhat...well...concerned. It seems that there is this incredible pressure to be the perfect mother. All knowing, all giving.

Of course, I believe we should do all we can to make sure our children are thriving, but I don't think we need to sacrifice all of ourselves in the process.

You also know that a fan I am of all moms. This is not about whether or not you should or should not work, breastfeed, spank or immunize. I don't care about any of that. You're a grown up, those choices are yours to make.

What I am speaking to is the lack of caring for yourself, while caring for your baby.

If I may, I'd like to offer the following suggestions. Take them for what it's worth, which is probably nothing...

*Get yourself a partner. Husband, boyfriend, girlfriend, mother or father. Someone who is there to support you. Make sure they know that their job is to support and exactly what it looks like to support. Draw pictures if needed.

*You need to get this partner trained. Trained to the point that you feel comfortable enough to leave (yes, I said leave) your baby with them. Even overnight. To achieve this, it is going to require you letting go of some control.

I've got myself a well trained husband. There is nothing better. I'm leaving for a week on Monday, guess who is home with The Boy... yep, my husband. No MIL needed.

*Please, for the love of all that is good, Get. Some. Sleep. Sleep deprivation is used a torture in many countries. Make yourself sleep when the baby is napping. The dishes can wait. So can the laundry.

Tell your partner you need a night off. Get a nice hotel room. Alone. (If you go with your partner, they will misread this and think the hotel room is for sex, not sleep. And, we all know that is the FURTHEST thing from your mind.)

One night of sweet REM and you're back on track. If a night away is out of the question, tell your partner its their turn. Get some earplugs and sleep in the guest room.

*Back away from the parenting books
. They are just too overwhelming. In moderation they can be okay, but your mommy instinct is worth 100 times more than any of those nutty theories. Listen to it.

*Find yourself a "Mommy Guru" (MG). A mommy a bit ahead of you in the game, with older kids. Choose someone you genuinely like. Someone who is easy to be around. Someone you can relate to. Someone who has a mommy style that is in line with yours.

(A word here: Sometimes we meet mommies that seem to have it all going perfectly. Stay away from these "Stepford Mommies". You are likely to be judged instead of inspired. Plus, it's not real. And, it's not interesting. Choose someone who can laugh about their own parenting mishaps.)

When your mommy intuition just isn't coming through, call your MG, she'll help you out. And, if you've chosen well, buy you a drink.

*Take One for the Team. Okay, this one is going to cause some of you to curse me, but I feel it's necessary. Have sex with your husband. There, I said it. I know it's the LAST thing you want to do right now and I know I said to go alone to the hotel room. And you should, for sleep. Once you get the sleep, you can give the sex.

Your husband is going through a lot of changes too. The main one being that his wife is a totally new asexual creature who feeds a human being with her breasts (and it's not him). Its nice for him to feel re-assured that the hot nympho is still in there somewhere (even if she's not now, I promise, she comes back for the occasional appearance.). And, as you know, sex is how many men feel connected.

Hey, you might even be surprised that you don't mind it as much as you thought you would once things get started.

*Get a social life. Even if it's just Bunko once a month. You need some time laughing and talking about things besides baby. It gives you a reason to wash your hair and wear something without an elastic waist. (Another side note here: steer clear of cliquey mommy groups. Judgmental, exclusive moms are no fun. There are plenty of cool women out there and you will find them.)

*Do something for yourself at least once a week. Whether its a pedicure, yoga class or a solo trip to Target, your well-being is directly related to baby's well-being!

*Don't worry so much! I know you feel like you are saving baby's life fifty times a day, that's expected. I am talking about the guilt and worry about doing something wrong. Making some irreversible mistake.

Newsflash: You are a not now, nor will you ever be a perfect mother. There is no such thing. She is nothing but an urban legend. And, the last lady that claimed that title went into hiding when her kids went on a drug-induced crime spree. Love on that baby and listen to your mommy instinct. That will always be enough.

I leave you with this: What kind of motherhood do you want for your own daughter? Go ahead and set the example by giving it to yourself.

© 2008 The R Family Diaries. All Rights Reserved.

Comments

Anonymous said…
100% true. It took me about 4 or 5years to realize it though. Have sex with your hubby!!!!

Funny (true) story, when my husband was cranky my mother would tell me to give it up in front of him. They are very simple creatures.

The other thing I would add is to avoid criticizing their partner, it makes them feel inferior and prevents very important family bonding.

Another fab post!
Rachel
My hubby have had a regular date night for years...we are so very fortunate. But we have had my mom living with us for forever...so it makes things easy for us. You have given some fabulous advice!
CaraBee said…
I wish I'd had this list 7 months ago when I was crying because everything seemed wrong - baby crying, not sleeping, miserable breastfeeding, hoo-haa impossibly sore, etc! All kidding aside, blogging and the blog community have kept me sane as I've adjusted to life as a stay at home mom to my now 7.5 month old daughter.

Thanks for the great post!
Alison said…
Amen to 100% of it! (And the suggestions in the comments.)

Here's my two cents. Remember: it will get better. There are new challenges at every stage of childraising (at least that's been true for me so far) but things are much more manageable now that everyone's getting more sleep and can communicate their needs better (I guess this includes my husband asking for sex. Heh.)
Sissy said…
I don't have kids yet, but I think I want to bookmark this post and save it for when I do. Such wise advice.
I was just signing up for the sauce and I nswear my friend sent that to me so I could get to this one post today... Thanks, this is everything I needed to hear on this exact day... :)
Candid Carrie said…
Honor each other. I think that is one of the greatest gifts you can give your children.

If you honor each other, you will be very surprised how easy it will be to have sex.
Insane Mama said…
Perfectly said! and the sex with your partner / husband... you know what? having an orgasm relieves stress, so do it!!
Candid Carrie said…
You heard Insane Mama, go do it now! You'll be glad you did.
Debbie said…
This is really really good advice, Tiffany! Even though I am where you are with an 8 and almost 6 year old, alot of this stuff is still pertinent. Very wise my friend!
KatBouska said…
Great advice.

But really?? Sex?? Do I hafta!?!

UUUGGGHHH...
Melissa Lester said…
What great thoughts! Oh, the Mommy Guilt! I think it's so important to have supportive, nonjudgmental mommy friends who can remind you how blessed your children are. Lovely blog!
Brian and Staci said…
Just wanted to say love your blog---came over from Debbie's This is the Life! I'm terrible on computers but am gonna try the Sauce button thingy! Yea me!
Tausha said…
ok-love the post! founs you from secret in the sauce. Love your blog. Hillariou-laughed out loud, even read parts to my husband. He laughed too! So glad for this site! I love to find new friends, espescially ones that make me laugh! Rock on sister friend rock on!!1
Unknown said…
Some of us have dreaded the 'deed' for SO long that we have neglected to trust that our 'peak' is apparently in our late 30's/early 40's...get back on the band wagon ladies, before it's too late!...(hopefully not for him that is)...
It really is fun, you might have forgotten that...and if it wasn't before you might be pleasantly surprised that it can change and actually be fun now that you're older and wiser!
BTW...I'm talking about SEX!
Tinabean said…
I think you hit the nail on the head.
Great advice. I think our kids are really important & when they're small they really need us, but when they get a little older (13 & on) they need us less & less then before we know it they're gone & who do we have there by our sides? Hopefully if we did things right our Spouse the one we made sacred promises to!!!
Anonymous said…
So true, so True! Your 7 years of experience hasn't gone to waste Mdm!
John Deere Mom said…
Well said! I wish someone had said it so clearly 4 1/2 years ago!And don't forget. This too shall pass. It often seems at 3 a.m. with a screaming child that it will NEVER get better. But there light at the end of the tunnel!
Lula! said…
I know this much is true: one of my girls is gonna marry The Boy, 'cause you will be an awesome mother-in-law. I'm claiming it NOW, girl. OOOOOOOHHHHH, and then we'll not only be BFFs but also family. And then we can introduce our grandchildren to vamps and all other things worthy of their freak flag. That sounds creepy. You know what I mean!
Heather said…
I'm so sorry, Lula, but The Boy's marriage has already been arranged. You'll have to go find your own miniature Candy Man. Or, if you have a son, I can provide three other girls that are available. I'll be in contact about dowry arrangements.

I think this post is priceless and should have it's own widget. All of your advice is dead on and, honestly, is a good reminder even for seasoned mothers. I've gone two days now without a shower and that's unacceptable. I will not let my brood of children prevent me from attaining proper hygiene. It makes me feel sad and they deserve better than that.
Lula! said…
Heather, I am sensing a reality show brewing here. "THE FIGHT FOR THE BOY'S FUTURE WIFE." Girl, it's on. I will prime and primp my girls all across this country (that's PRIMP--not pimp, I stress) for their chance at being Mrs. Romero, aka Mrs. Candy Man the Second.

'Cause this is how much I love Tiffany. BRING IT ON.
Candid Carrie said…
People, I have four boys. There are plenty to go around. We are now accepting applications and dowry proposals.
katylinvw said…
thanks for these words of wisdom! i'm not a mother yet, but i hope to be someday! (i found you thru SITS)
Merrie said…
God bless you! This is all true and needs to be said! Parenting is hard and important work, and we'll only do it better by taking care of ourselves, too.

Great blog! :)
Anonymous said…
Great list! and oh soooo true!!! I'm a single mom....so I don't have to "take one for the team"....but my mom has helped me out sooo much in getting those all important breaks!
AWESOME list. It's amazing how many things seem natural or intuitive yet they are missed. I wish I had read this when I first became a mom. I've had to learn the hard way. Loving your new blog, and I really love your layout here, too!
Me said…
I totally agree. I decided when I had my first to make sure my kids realized that I am real live person with interests and feelings...not just an automatic milk dispenser, cleaner-upper, and fix everything-er. Great advice!
Angie's Spot said…
What a GREAT article of advice! I wish I had known all of this 4 years ago when my oldest was about to be born. After some hard lessons learned and finally listening to the sage advice of those more "seasoned" moms, I finally started realizing that "me" time was just as important as "us" time. I'm visiting from SITS, but will be back often (and promise to comment)! :-)
Unknown said…
Perfect advice...I wish I had received it 11 years ago...one thing I can say is that as long as you admit your mistakes...you will be a step ahead of most. Being a mother is a wonderful experience...
Dawn
aloha from hawaii...found your blog...Romero is my maiden name. You aren't related to the San Diego Romero family are you? My dad is the last of 13, I am the 45th grandchild of the 1st generation, and I think we are up to 4 generations.
Unknown said…
Wise advice.

And remember this, 20 or so years down the line, when your grandkid is throwing the mother of all tantrums in the supermarket and your kid is about pulling their hair out, you can think to yourself 'Now you know what I went through!!'. :-)
Yeah, about that whole sex thing. Um, let's just talk about that later, mmmmk...
Amen sister!
LOVE IT...
New mommy or not you got all your ducks in a row, which is essential in Motherhood!
Simply Stork said…
There is peace in this process called "life" when we remember to stop and breath :o)

~simply~
Melanie Dickens said…
Very great advice, not just good-great!! I found you from SITS and I love it!! You guys rock!
THE Stephanie said…
Every mom should read this. You can't be a good mom or wife if you're not taking care of yourself first. That's not selfish, it's just true.

Thanks for stopping by my blog!!
Givinya De Elba said…
Great advice! Thanks for coming by here too!
Brian and Staci said…
Thanks for stoppin' by my blog! I'm excited about The Secret Sauce:) I'm anxious to read about all new yummy blogs!
Anonymous said…
Well, Mrs. Romero, what a great post! The best advice to any mom! It took me having two kids to get to the point to do most of these things. You hit the nail on the head!
Finding Normal said…
Great advice! We're just now getting to the point with Addison (Miss Medical Problem) that I'm comfortable leaving her, and just a Target trip with the hubby relieves the stress. Then we come home, put the kids in bed, and make out like bunnies! I think the adult time and the alone time are soooooo important!
Schmerica said…
Can't wait to have you be my MG!!!
Maddness of Me said…
I totally agree, mean judgemental moms are NO fun!
swilek said…
AMEN!!! Even though I'm not a mom I do think this is sooo important for you hard working women! Call me anytime any of you moms out there reading this, including you Tiffany, to meet you for coffee or do something crazy to take you away from motherhood for just a brief moment!!
Missy said…
Great timing...did you read my mind? I was just thinking ...someday, my little girl is going to learn how to speak and she's going to touch my leg and ask me: "Mommy, why are your legs prickly?" And she will think it is ok to go weeks without shaving. And she'll have to say "I learned it by watching YOU, okay?!?" like in the old 80's anti-drug commercials. All joking aside, I want my daughter to remember me as being HAPPY.
I'm going to bookmark this post so I can return to it as needed!
-Bridget said…
Great advice. I have a two year old and a five month old and while I know to do all of those things, it is nice to have a reminder to give myself permission to follow them.
Lex the mom said…
Massive wisdom here! I love this - completely & totally & I may have to borrow it sometime! This should be in a mommy bible! The only parenting book a mom needs to read! It will also include most of the mishaps to expect - from a collection of the many I read about on the blogs I see every day!

Fabulous post!
Heidi said…
Awesome advice!
Tracy P. said…
Oh my gosh, you are SOOOOO right!!! Listen to her, people!!
Tracy P. said…
Oh, and the sex thing. Go ahead and take the initiative when it's a GOOD time for you. He will love you for it, and it works BY FAR the best if you find a time when you're not so sleep deprived you could cry.
Jessica G. said…
Amen to the no parenting books! I think reading those caused my post-pardum depression. Whenever I start thinking I need to "do it all," I remember that poem that ends with "Cobwebs settle down, dust bunnies go to sleep.
I'm rocking my baby and babies don't keep."
Melissa said…
Loved this one! You forgot Kegel exercises! I played kick ball with my kids tonight and while running the bases.......I really could've used a Poise pad! Don't forget your Kegels, ladies! They also help when you must "take one for the team"....
Melissa said…
Poise Pads are for peeing issues, for those who might not having gotten that.
Jacki McHale said…
I so need to print this out and hang everywhere in my house.

I have a 2 year old (daugher) and a 6 week old (son) at first I wanted to be a perfect mommy with my daughter. But then after a few weeks of madness, postpartum, I realized that being myself a crazy fun, whatever happens as long as the little ones are still breathing by the end of the day. Damn it I deserve a good Starbucks for it.

Thank you!

Jacki
via SITS
Anonymous said…
I totally agree with you. Now, my only question is...how can I get the husband to agree to send me to the hotel without him? :) I dream of going away for the weekend to the local Days Inn with a box of wine, a bag of Hersey's chocolate, a copy of Gone with the Wind, and my own pitiful manuscript (it's like...3 chapters, but whateves...) and just lay in the middle of the bed drunk and happy. Somehow I can't talk him into this....
Staci said…
Because you have 50 kajillion comments on this subject matter, i will just say upfront that im sorry if i am repeating someone elses brilliance....but I think what most moms lack....is authenticity(spelling??) Most people put on a "show" for fear that they might dissappoint someone or they think someone might judge them....

In reality, NOONE is perfect...my advice would be to JUST BE REAL ALREADY....ya know? Because I garuntee you those moms you see talking in a gentle voice saying things such as

"darling will you go put that knife back in the drawer please, you might cut your self"

are REALLY thinking "GOOD GOD child how many times have i told you NOT to play with that...."

There is this facade (spelling) that all moms should be like Mrs. Brady, or Mrs. Cleaver, and this is just NOT real life folks....im just saying....AND I LOVE YOUR ADVICE, i TOTALLY AGREE!!!
Scary Mommy said…
"The perfect mother is nothing but an urban legend"

LOVE IT!!!!
S Club Mama said…
Thank you. I will be revisiting this post many many times in the next....oh, 20 years, or so
Kaza said…
This is fantastic and is going in my list of all time best posts ever! Oh how I wish I had read this when I was in the throes of new mommyhood. It's a true gift to new mamas.
Louisa Claire said…
This is a GREAT post. I am 10 weeks into motherhood (and LOVING it). I think the advice you have given is GREAT...esp making the comment about sex. So important and yet it can be quite a challenge for the new mum. I am glad you included it in your list!
Unknown said…
Great aadvice, especially in training the partner! Children need more than 1 person to raise them, usually it's a father, but it does "take a village", which is corny but true.
Frizzy said…
Best advice EVER!!! YOu need to put this in a small book and sell it in the baby section at any and every baby store or isle known to man/woman. Should be a rule to have at your baby shower as well.
Le said…
Love this blog - so real and so true and so written with heart - nice one - as a mum - opps mom - of two wee lads the way forward is not always clear - this helps clear the fog for new mums - cheers le
Mammatalk said…
Fabulous advice. Wish I had this to read 4 years ago! Wonderful pearls of wisdom.
Cara said…
Such a wonderful post! I wish I would have read this in those first dim 6 weeks of motherhood! I'm forwarding it now to friends who are there! :)
Sera said…
I LOVE this post. I wish I had seen it months ago. I'm just now starting to realize how important these things are. You really nailed this one.
Karol said…
*sigh* I'm finally coming to terms with not being a perfect mom. If we can get through the day without burning down the house and no trips to the ER, then it was a good day.

I'm still trying to make myself take some 'me' time. I know I need it, but it's hard to do.

You need to print this out and hand it to the new moms at BRU!
Eve said…
Great advice - all of it. I have to get away once in a while and my husband isn't just well trained, he's a motivated self trainer! I got lucky!
Tanielle said…
Such great tips...I 've been a mom for over 11 years and I don't know anything...still.
Tanielle said…
Such great tips...I 've been a mom for over 11 years and I don't know anything...still.
Xazmin said…
What a wonderful post. I love all of your advice - it is so true!
Anonymous said…
Great advice!!! Wish I had it five years ago, but still relevant for sure!
AndreaLeigh said…
very good to know. i'm not using it just yet, but baby making time might be just around the corner and i'll for sure return to this post then.
Jennifer said…
Great advice! Happy SITS day! Oh... I am SO going to use this too! Not having kids for a little while but I love the advice and may post about this post on my blog! Thanks!

PS: Wanna be my GuRU?!
You know, making time for yourself AND for your husband is really the most important thing when raising kids. One day your kids will be grown and gone and you don't want to be left alone in your house with a "stranger" you have nothing in common with.

There is no empty-nest syndrome going on for us - we are loving every single minute of it!
Anonymous said…
So many good points in your post! Saying HI from SITS!
cat said…
Oh if you don't mind, I am going to send all my friends that are new mommies to read this. You are so 100% correct! Well written girl.
Anonymous said…
Awesome post and so, so true. Unfortunately, I didn't realize taking time to look after myself was so important until my daughter was over a year old and I was heavily pregnant with baby #2. Now, I make sure I take the time, otherwise I would probably go a little mental with 2 under 2!
I think ALL new mums need to read this.
April said…
Excellent...and so very true!
mommytoalot said…
Wow..just listen to you..
are you sure you didnt' write a parenting book.
Great post!
FANTASTIC advice! Truly!

Happy SITS day!
Anonymous said…
I'm a mom of a 14 year old and an 8 year old and I think this advice is SPOT ON, even the sex part which, I think, is the hardest thing to grapple with during this time. I mean, you're dealing with what just came out of your body, who wants to deal with the hassle of something going into it?

Awesome post.
Melanie said…
Yay! Wonderful post - so true and important for someone to tell new moms.
Safire said…
Great advice. Things are so hard with new kids that it's nice to be reminded about what's important.
BloggessJ said…
No kids yet but great advice.
Very sage advice. Wish I knew some of that 16 years ago!
I whole heartedly concur.

Amen.
Awesome, awesome advice! Also, for any of those reading this that don't have kids yet...enjoy your showers...whether short or long, never take them forgranted.
Gibby said…
That is some great advice. Especially the one about stepping away from the parenting books. Some of those books really stress me out! Who can live up to those things??
jubilee said…
Great advice. Wish I'd had this advice seven years ago.
Sheryl said…
Great post. Visiting from SITS, congrats on your day and have a great week.
I'm going to pass this sage advice onto my "Crap" BabyMama, maybe then my SugarDaddy could stop sleeping on the floor next to my crib, his snoring is TOTALLY keeping me awake at night. ;)

BlogBaby
Visiting from SITS, of course!
Cammie said…
so very true!
Happy SITS day!
Lisa said…
Very good advice!
Beth said…
Great advice and SOOO true!
Unknown said…
Awesome post, and so true! I wish I had had an MG with my first son, but all those other things listed kept me sane!
-Bridget said…
I'd reiterate one more that you touched on, that's to be there for other moms and to be nonjudgemental. I think we can sometimes be entirely overcritical to other moms when we should be their biggest supporters. We may support them verbally, but in our heads we are thinking, "I can't believe she..." because she doesn't parent exactly the way we do. Like you said, you don't care if they spank, immunize, don't immunize, circumcise, etc. Too bad a lot of other mothers do. Learn to let go and just support them because they are mothers who love their children and are doing what they believe is best for them. You'll enjoy your playgroups a lot more when you do.
What great advice Tiffany! I steer clear of the judgmental ones too, hehe. And you're right about the mommy instinct is always best...some of those books are wierd. I WANT hotel room...but I guess I'll take my husband along ;-)

Jamie :-)
Ali said…
Great advice! May I add--hire someone to clean the house--wish I had!
Amy said…
Great post. Now that I have been a Mom for over a year now I think I have relaxed a lot. I do have that one friend to go to for sure. It took sometime because I met some pretty different Moms out there. I just have to get better at leaving her with other people. I know I can do it.
Heather said…
Awesome post! I don't have kids (and hopefully won't for another couple or three years at least), but this is still excellent info. I've socked it away in my mental "grab bag of knowledge" as my mom says it. I especially like that you add in the importance of spending time with your husband, as he needs reassurance during these changes as well.
said…
This post is smarter than anything that I ever used to read in any parenting magazine. It should be published - somewhere - every single month!
Vickie said…
This is fantastic advice!!

You are so on the mark about cliquey mom groups. I was at a play date with four other mothers. They all knew each other. The Mom who's house it was went out of her way to include me. But there was one mom who I think tried to make me feel inadequate. She was a know-it-all-mom.

Enjoy your SITS Day!
Anti-Supermom said…
This should be in your banner. Exactly what many moms out there need to hear.

(not me, never) :)
Brandy said…
Great advice! Every mother needs time alone and with hubby as a couple. You can't forget the relationship you had before the baby got there.
Reeni said…
What wonderful advice!! You have such wisdom!
Helene said…
Why didn't I know you 4 years ago when I had my 1st set of twins??? I could've used this advice!! I just wrote a post about all the things no one ever tells you about motherhood, like all the yucky stuff (not the "oh, you'll love every minute of motherhood" stuff).

This post is awesome!!
Patricia said…
Great post! It's too true and although I'm not a relatively new mama, it's a great reminder to me because it's so easy to slide back into the old patterns.

Love your page. Came through SITS.
mommy4life said…
Right on the money!
Michelle said…
THAT is a great post...hope new moms everywhere read that!
Willo said…
I think the bit about stepping away from books and not worrying is especially important.
Mimi said…
This should be handed out to new moms as they leave the hospital!
Chandy said…
Where was this list when I was pregnant with my kids and when they were babies? Great post!

Congrats again on being featured!
Veronica said…
Very true, all of it! Happy SITS day!
So true! I have a very hard time taking time for myself and then end up yelling at everyone in the house!

I do get out once a month to play Bunco with my womens group at church and I really need more than that! We have no family or friends that live in the state we live in so that makes things even harder for us.
Mandy said…
Dang! Great list. Where were you 4 years ago when I had my first?!? My mother had to give me a swift kick in the butt to tackle the things on this list. I am glad others can read this to help them! :)
Lori said…
What great advice...something that all moms need to hear, regardless if it is the first or fourteenth. I think we all tend to forget.

Thanks for the great post!
Lori @ www.123comehomeschoolwithme.blogspot.com
Rachel Lundy said…
Thanks for sharing your advice.
What A Card said…
Good advice...I followed much of it and survived newborn twins :)
Rhonda said…
You are my hero for telling it like it is here!!! My kids are 15, 12 and 5 now, and it was only last year I started doing something for myself!! (I joined a year round soccer team, and I LOVE it!)
Hit the nail on the head sista!
Alex the Girl said…
(hopefully this won't spam post) @ Take one for the Team: Ha ha ha ha ha! Just be careful when your taking one for the team. Our baby girl ended up with a baby brother eleven and a half months after she was born
Unknown said…
Very good advice, I may have to pass this on!
KatBouska said…
Ahhh yes, I DID comment on this one!! And I stand by my original words...do I hafta!?!
Susan said…
Very well said!
Unknown said…
This post was very well put. Good advice!
Marrdy said…
Very wise advise!
Rayna said…
I really love this post. It is so true all of it. I have a 2 year old and the times I can remember to do the things in this post are my happiest times.
Donnetta said…
Wonderful advice. I couldn't agree more on getting away. I go on a tennis trip w/the girls every year for 5 days. It refreshes me and makes my husband appreciate me so much more!
Donnetta said…
Wonderful advice. I couldn't agree more on getting away. I go on a tennis trip w/the girls every year for 5 days. It refreshes me and makes my husband appreciate me so much more!

Happy SITS!
Donnetta said…
Wonderful advice. I couldn't agree more on getting away. I go on a tennis trip w/the girls every year for 5 days. It refreshes me and makes my husband appreciate me so much more!

Happy SITS!
Donnetta said…
Wonderful advice. I couldn't agree more on getting away. I go on a tennis trip w/the girls every year for 5 days. It refreshes me and makes my husband appreciate me so much more!

Happy SITS!
Courtney said…
Great advice, its all so true.
Amanda said…
WOW, where were you when I was haing my little ones!

I love, love the hotel idea. Wish I had thought of that. Not only do you get some rest, but your partner gets to experience what you go through and maybe would appreciate all of the work that goes into an infant!
Heth said…
Found you thru SITS today- Great blog! :)
Tori C. said…
Great post! I'll need to forward to my gal pal whose pregnant!
Kim said…
You've summed it up so well! I wish that I'd seen something like this when my son was born so instead of having to take the months that it took to figure it out for myself. Well done!
Anonymous said…
Such great advice. I was given the same directives by my moms (all 3!) back in the day... It has made mothering so great. I think I had several partners, too, so when one was busy, I just moved on to the next one!

Congrats on your SITS feature. It was nice to meet you!
Anonymous said…
The only parenting book ppl need are from this website-seriously, check it out. I get the handling tips book for all new parents to be!
http://www.wrybaby.com/fun_gifts.aspx
Have a fabulous SITS day. You've brought this to so many wonderful bloggers, I'm glad you take the time to honor yourself as well. Happy BD!
Beth said…
Where were you 19 years ago when I became a mom? Great advice that I will want to pass on to my girls someday.
Mrsbear said…
Good advice. Even the bit about the husband sex and the social life, but first some sleep. ;)
Unknown said…
So true, so true! As a mom of four little ones...all under the age of 3, I couldn't agree with you more!
wendy said…
AMEN!! Great advice. :)
Anonymous said…
Great advice! Now, do you have any for seasoned moms of teenagers?!!!
Chelsie said…
Great advice! Although I am not a mother yet, I know this will be very helpful!
Fabulous! Great advice. I, too learned the hard way... the first couple of years I was a very "nervous" mother...18 years later, I've finally learned to relax!!!
Leslie said…
Wonderful! Where were you when I gave birth to my one and only 18 years ago? I can't wait to share that with my girlfriend!
angie said…
Not a mom, but those tips sound like great advice!
Anonymous said…
Perfect advice.. are you writing a book?!

Happy SITS/Birth day!
Hccm said…
Sex is what got us into this situation:)

Hugs and Mocha,
Stesha
Great post, I wish I'd read it 7 years ago when I started my motherhood journey! I will be sharing this with my SIL who will be a first time mommy in a few months. Happy SITS day!!
Gretchen said…
The totally awesomest post I've ever read. You should print this and put it in every "going home folder" they give the new (I like to call them "fresh") mommies in the hospital/birthing centers. Every mom needs to hear these words and ingrain them in their brains!!!

You made me smile today!
Tabitha Blue said…
GREAT post, and oh so true!!!!! I'm SO grateful to have a husband that can take care of our baby... well, now 2yr old. I travel for work, and he's great with her. Such a weight off!!

:)
~Tabitha~

freshmommyblog.com
Sarah said…
Great letter! One perfect for new mommies...and not-so-new mommies who fall into the traps warned about in said letter!
A Psych Mommy said…
Loved reading this as a new mom! Happy SITS day!
Leanne said…
I guess I'm what you'd call a vetern as I have a teen. The only thing I'd add? Um, it does get a little bit easier... Honest.
Shannon said…
Amen, SITSta! Amen!
Michelle said…
You know, I would have almost bet money that I'd read (and commented) on this post of yours before, but .... I was so wrong. Glad I didn't lose any money on it ;)

Wayyyyy too true on the perfect mom. Not that we don't all try in our own ways to be her.
Rachael said…
Great list! I especially like getting rid of the parenting books and taking one for the team. I totally agree!
Wild Child said…
Exactly my philosphy. I have always said if the mother isn't happy the baby won't be happy. I'm now happily in MG stage and am glad to share my crazy children stories and an alcoholic beverage or two.
Kim said…
Excellent. Great advice on all points. The best parenting advice I ever got was from someone I didn't even know. A lady was admiring him in the store and said, "Have as much fun with him as you possibly can." And I did -- and with the next two. And it was awesome.
*Tanyetta* said…
This is a perfect list! I'm having my 3rd baby in May and so many of these apply to me even though I'm not a first time mom, I feel like I'm doing it all over again. Thank you for the support and encouraging words ;)
Michelle said…
Great list! I agree.

Looking forward to meeting you next week at Bloggy Boot Camp. Now that I've read a bit more of your blog I can tell we are going to get along just great.

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