The Beginning of the End

Candy Man called me from The Boy's karate studio to tell me some news.

News I knew was coming, but couldn't bear to hear.

The Boy told him that some kids were talking about Santa Claus.  

Then he asked what a "myth" was.  The conversation moved on before any information was dispelled, but it's coming.  CM feels strongly that if The Boy asks, he needs to know the truth.

I just want one more Christmas.  We are so close.  The Boy has never questioned it until now.  

We can stretch this out, right?

I don't now why I am so sad about this.  Like really sad.  Like devastated.  Like bawling my eyes out.

I have relished his milestones, even the little ones, knowing that this is my only shot.

I cry myself to sleep on every one of his birthdays (my poor husband).  And, while I celebrate him growing and and love seeing him develop into the wonderful creature he is, I mourn the passing of his childhood.

It's just going too fast.

The idea that my time with a child who believes in the magic of Santa is over, is just too much.

I know Christmas is still special, the traditions, the memories.

I'm just having one of those moments when I want to stop time. 

Or at least, slow it down.

Great.  Now I am going to be totally puffy tomorrow.  Sigh.

Comments

Anonymous said…
I know how you feel (I think). I cry on my kids' birthdays too. I have a hard time looking at their baby pictures b/c it is devastating to realize that those times are all gone.

Maybe your son will hold out on the questions until after Christmas? I think most kids don't want to let go of Santa Clause either.
Suzann said…
Oh no. I completely understand. I cry each year on all of my children's birthdays - sob is probably a more accurate description. I am inconsolable each year on their first day of school. When my two oldest graduated 8th grade I swear I was the only parent who cried (thank heavens for waterproof mascara). You don't even want to know what I did when my son went to his first dance.
I know that this may be the very last year when my little guy (who turns 8) will believe in the magic of Santa and this is truly breaking my heart.
I don't have any words that will make it all better for you, I'm sorry. But, as a mother who's heart aches as yours, I hope you are comforted by knowing that you are not alone. I send to you many cyber hugs and much love as you embrace this time and perhaps let go of another.
Amy said…
I'm totally feeling you. I had to come clean last winter (my kids were 8 and 9). My daughter begged me to just "Tell her the truth." It was really hard for me. I wrote a whole blog post about it too! It's hard because you don't want to lie, but it is the end of something. Good luck. :)
My daughter is 8 and I can feel it coming too. I feel your pain. I LOVED Santa as a kid and I remember holding on to him even after I suspected:)
Sandy said…
I know how you feel. It's almost like the magic is gone from Christmas when they find out the truth. Sad:(
I remember not wanting to give that up as a child. When I found out, I did not say a word. Christmas morning would come and all the presents would be marked "Love, Santa". Up until the point that I moved out as an adult. I guess my mom felt the same way!
Michelle said…
Sharing your sadness. I remember the day too.
Anonymous said…
Awww - my daughter is 10 and I suspect that SHE suspects but hasn't worked up the courage to come out and ask. I'll definitely tell her the truth but until then, we'll let the 'myth' carry on ;)

Here's to one more year for your boy to believe!!
CaraBee said…
Nanananana-I'm not listening. I don't even want to think about all of that yet. My baby will be my baby FOREVER.
Andrea said…
aww, now i'm sad thinking about it too! i guess i never really thought about when my kids would ask about santa. before we had kids my husband said he didn't want to tell them about santa because he didn't want to get let down when they found out 'the truth'. needless to say, i won him over, but our time is coming soon. =0(
Jenni said…
I seriously DREAD this day...I am going to be so sad! And it is coming my way FAST... because my oldest is a 3rd grader. :-/

I hope you can stretch it out another year! Lord knows I am sure going to try to!
Katie is almost 11. And has never asked. I don't think she wants to say it outloud. I am sure she knows. Her sister...who is 7...I am not sure about. But I love that they want to keep the spirit alive.

Now the tooth fairy on the other hand. When you don't believe in her, she stops coming. So...maybe they think that will happen if they voice their thoughts about Santa? :-)
Unknown said…
What theres NO Santa??? well I never ;-)

It is times like this i wish my beans were younger and still believed in Santa

It sure seems like they grow up fast my oldest is in 9th grade getting redy to get her drivers permit-talk about cryin yourself to sleep I.Feel.Your.Pain
Kori said…
(((Hugs))) It'll be fine. Go buy some cucumbers for the puffiness.
KiKi said…
About a week before Christmas the year my son was 8 he said to me that he KNEW that his Dad and I were Santa, but for this year he'd believe....just in case. He's 15 now and we still put Love, Santa on some of his gifts.
Heather said…
As we've discussed, we're going through this exact same transition. I swear her first month of lady bid'ness will be right around the corner. It's goes way, way, way too fast.
Tiffany said…
I felt so silly for writing this post, you guys have made me feel so much better.. and validated.

Thank you.
Live.Love.Eat said…
I can't imagine what you're feeling right now because my little guy is 5 but it's understandable. It's all just bittersweet, every bit of raising a child. The love, the fear, the joy, the pain. With his little man hood will come something wonderful to ease the loss of "Santa" when that does happen. But I wish you one more Xmas. Skip karate until the new year :)
Sarah said…
Aw. Maybe you'll get at least one more Christmas!
Jen said…
that is sad. So sad.... We all should just believe no matter what.
Pseudo said…
My daughter is 19, and although she "knows" she still loves the magic. There is an unspoken rule that believers in magic get magic. So when presents started appearing in mom and dad's stockings from Santa, we realized that the magic of Santa had trickled out.

I have never come right out and said there is no such thing as Santa Clause. It'd be like saying I don't believe in fairies.
KimmyJ said…
I know it is so hard - Motherhood is so tough! It is so hard letting go, let me tell you!
Sarah B. said…
It is rough..I have an 8 yr old son who asked if Santa was real because he heard he might not be real. We didn't want to lie so we just said "Let's see what you get from him if you stop believing"..that instantly shut him up. Than we went to Disneyland and saw Santa...he wasn't sure if he wanted to talk to him but our 6 yr old daughter did. She walked up and Santa asked her name and she told him and he said "Oh, didn't you want a guitar this year" (His elf had overheard and told him) but my son did not know this and his eyes got huge and he said he wanted to talk to Santa...so it looks like we get a believer for 1 more year. :) Being a Mommy can be so difficult sometimes.
Pam said…
my son was five when he came to me and told me there was no such thing as santa claus. no one told him...he just figured it out for himself. same w tooth fairy. now my kids are tweens, teen, & adult so i'm gonna be facing empty-nest syndrome before i know it :-/
Lula! said…
Just. Can't. Deal. With. This.

I want them to be babies for a while longer. Because next thing you know, we'll be at their wedding, after we've convinced them that fall is NOT a good time to get married. We have football to watch.

Give him a hug from me. Because I want to hug him. And you.
Anonymous said…
I'm not there yet. Thank goodness. Mine knows there are "imposter" Santas (her words) but she still believes in the real one too. Bless there innocent, optimistic, the-world-is-a-wonder-for-me-to explore hearts.

1 word. Cucumbers. They draw the moisture out of your puffy eyes.
Alison said…
I feel for you. If we could just keep them little--with that innocent joy in their eyes--longer!
Swirl Girl said…
...wait a second -

there's no Santa?

OMG!!!!!
Shannon said…
I know how you feel... I keep waiting for this day, too.

But my oldest (who will be 8 in Feb) has been asking for one of those magic-elf-on-the-shelf elves... she talks about it non-stop. How they come to life at night and all. And part of me thinks "Really? She's seriously into this??!!?"... but then another part of me relishes that she's still a little girl :)
Michelle said…
Tell those kids you're going to tell Santa that they're spreading rumors.
imforever29 said…
The only advice I can give you is what my mom told me and my brother around the same age. When we questioned the existance of Santa, Mom held off the truth by telling us that since Santa was so busy, she bought all the presents and wrapped them and then Santa would come to the house and put them under the tree as well as fill our stockings. This worked for a couple of years.
Party of 5 said…
I understand. I was just talking to my friend this morning about how my 9 yr old still believe's. I thought he knew but he wrote a letter to Santa this year. I am afraid to ask him. He either doesn't know or he is keeping it up for me, his brother and sister. :-)

Both boys hinted before (couple of years ago) - they asked if he was real. I just said that as long as you believe his is then he is real.
Island Girl said…
I remember when my Mom and I had that conversation. We both cried...A LOT, so I completely understand. If it makes you feel any better, I'm 24 and I still make my parents put stuff out "from Santa" every Christmas.
Ashley said…
Aw! This is so sad. I think kids are starting to learn much earlier now. That's too bad. Hopefully you can hold it off for at least this year and really cherish Santa!
Rebecca Jo said…
AAAHH - that's sad.... why do kids want to grow up so fast...

Just tell them Santa's real & to shut up!! :-)
Schmerica said…
I was a whopping 10 when I found out. I had my suspicions but I soooo wanted to keep the dream alive. I know that I'll feel the same way about my future baby/ies.
Unknown said…
At this point i think Essie KNOWS there's no Santa, but does't want to believe it, so she's faking it.... which is fine with me because the longer she fakes it, the longer Gert gets to believe.
Anonymous said…
Aw Tiffany, I feel for you. I hated it when my daughter stopped believing ( I think she "pretended" to believe a year or two longer just to please me!) and now my FOUR year old has already questioned me..."Is Santa Claus real? Or just a man in a costume?"...his EXACT words to me!) AArgh! I lied. Couldn't bare to have this fantasy end for him at only 4. But I wonder now if I did the wrong thing. I was actually going to post about it this morning, but couldn't stop sniffling long enough. Sigh.

Hugs,Tiffany. Christmas will still be wonderful, just a little different in it's own special ways.
Whitney said…
Shoot! I remember when I found Santa Claus wasn't real and I was devestated! You know. . . technically, Santa Clause WAS a real person (St. Nicholas) so your husband wouldn't acutally be lying if he said Santa was real. :D
debi9kids said…
It is so heartbreaking once they stop. believe it or not, my husband and I had wound the story so tightly that we HAD to break it to our three teenagers LAST year. They didn't care what their friends said, they believed until we told them the truth.
If you want to get another year or two, just tell him Santa only comes to those who believe :)
Mamarazzi said…
wait...what? are you saying Santa Claus isn't REAL!?

i remember when i was in the 2nd grade and our teacher told us. i was one of 5 kids that cried so hard we had to go to the nurse. my daddy came to the school and he and 3 other parents gave her a stern talking to and THEN told the whole class that our teacher was a LIAR...oh my..it was awesome!!

my parents always said, "those who believe receive"

dude...good enough for me..i STILL believe and its working out ok.
Mamarazzi said…
oh and Jordan is 13 now...she mentioned something a few yrs ago. her cousins told her that there was no such thing as santa and she asked us what we thought. i told her i belived in santa and she said, "yeah me too" it has gone unspoken since that day. i think she WANTS to believe. i thin there is magic in believing.
nikkicrumpet said…
Don't worry..."puffy" is a badge of honor for a mommy!
S Club Mama said…
Oh sweetie, I think it's completely natural for you to be sad. You're right, your little guy is growing up. It's hard. I know that and my son's not even 2 yet. I know I'll be crying on each one of his birthdays, no matter if I have 6 more kids or whatever. He's still my first boy, my first baby.
S Club Mama said…
And what do you mean Santa's a myth?!
My seven year old doesn't believe in Santa, or the Toothfairy...he participates only for me! (I am sad on birthdays, too!)
Wep said…
I remember that age. I wanted to still believe. I was in second grade. My daddy was horrified and he sent me rudolphs bells FedEx from the North Pole. I brought them into school and shut all those kids up.

I still have them....
Connie said…
I think this could be our last also. Daughter (8) has been givin Mr Blarney the shake down about Santa. Once she finds out she will totally tell her brother (6) and it will all.be.over. Forever. *sniffle*
Thankfully the ToothFairy, Leprechauns and the Easter Bunny are still "totally" real!
sassy stephanie said…
Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!

I so hate this. My 8 next month daughter is in the same boat. I think this is our last year.
Rhea said…
Boy, I hear ya. I really hear ya.
Jenners said…
I feel for you. My son is 4 and totally into believing in Santa Claus but he is starting to ask a lot of logistical questions that I'm having trouble answering well.

I've thought about what to say when the day finally comes. In a way, I think telling them that Santa is really a parent who loves you -- who knows what you like, who knows if you are naughty or nice -- isn't such a bad thing. Just a little bit more information about the "man behind the curtain" like in the Wizard of Oz. Sure it isn't as magical but it is still a lovely thing.

Good luck dealing with this.
jori-o said…
Boo to kids with big mouths! And to babies growing up. My oldest is 8 and I think he may suspect, but he hasn't asked...yet...=(
All 4 of my kiddo's are pretty much grown (youngest is now 15) so obviously we passed that stage A LONG TIME AGO...but, there is hope! We now have 2 beautiful grandchildren...so Santa is ALIVE again!!! xo...deb
{leah} said…
I dread the day when Santa is only a memory. I hope you can streach this out this one last year. Here's to hoping!
Well you're just going to be an embarrassing mess when he graduates from school, now aren't you?

You poor thing. That must be so hard for you. But when you get through each milestone, you become a little bit stronger for it.

Doesn't take away from the sadness though. I wish I could cheer you up with a cookie or something.
Anonymous said…
I guess your husband's right, but I would probably want to lie and extend the myth a little longer. He's only 7, right? Geesh!
Ash said…
I feel it coming here as well - we were watching "Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer" the other night, and Oldest (6!) wanted to know how Santa could fit all the presents for every single boy and girl around the world into that little sleigh.

I told him it was magic, of course.

The smart ones totally ruin it for the rest of us.
Aunt Julie said…
Everything goes by too fast! That's why we must cherish everything, the good and the bad. I live day-to-day...it's much easier that way!
Carrie said…
He might not ask yet this year...

Here's to one more Christmas of Santa! I hope he doesn't ask about it!!!
kalea_kane said…
Bless your heart. :) So sweet. I don't know if my son still really believes or not. We still make cookies for Santa, and I still write him thank you notes from Santa.
Anonymous said…
I know my time is coming soon too! I am teary-eyed reading this post because I feel similar to you in so many ways!

I hope you can stretch the magic of Christmas for your boy at least one more year!

Merry Christmas, friend!
Finding Normal said…
I am crying reading all this, just thinking about it. But I cry every time I think about either kid getting older. I would like to freeze time please. Only leave out the tantrums and the time outs and the sassiness. Why isn't that possible?
Caroline said…
At least your eyebrows will still look good!

That is a sad thing. I remember having my Santa bubble burst at the tender age of 7 or 8. It was almost too much to bear, but as a parent, I can't imagine him being too old to believe. That's got to be hard. Hopefully you'll still have this year to relish his Christmas innocence.
Heather said…
I'm just glad to know that I am not the only sappy mom out there. I cry at every single school event, church special, milestone of any sort. My kids think it's funny. I can't help it. I don't often sob, but there are always tears streaming down my cheeks.

For some reason, Elijah guessed that Santa wasn't real before he turned 6. Isabel is turning 9, and still believes. And hopefully, I've got awhile with Gabe.

So bittersweet, this growing up. I'm with you; I want to put on the brakes sometimes. And just capture their innocence and wonder.

I'm glad you wrote this post. You are such a great mom. That boy of yours is a lucky guy.
Caitlin said…
Oh no! This is so sad! My baby is only just now one, but I did totally cry on his birthday. So I am 1 for 1 I guess, I am on track to be just like you. I hope that you can stretch it out one more year!!!
Jewel Allen said…
I know how you feel!!

Part of me feels some relief, though, like not having to give my daughter the "talk" about it (she talked to my husband). And part of me is sad.
Mercedes said…
t is tough. I remember how crushed I was when I found out myself.
Jenna Cox said…
puffy eyes being "out" is over rated. I say the puffier, the mascara runnier, the watery look is IN!
And cry. It is ok. I am sure your precious little boy is turning into a wonderful man! Look towards the wonderful future of his life! :) Blessings!
Hyperactive Lu said…
Wow! I don't know how I'll react when my boys find out.... 8 is so young to already KNOW!
Kristy said…
aww i'm so sorry. i'm waiting for my 8 year old to start not believing...its gonna be a sad day when that happens.
Jen Sue Wild said…
This breaks my heart..
When my children ask if he is real or pretend. I recount The history of ST nick.. I then exsplane that there are many santas. The magic of santa lives in everyone.
Dee said…
so judging by comments, I have about 3 years left for the older one.....
Heather said…
We are just starting to get into Santa around here since my daughter is only 2.5. I dread the day that someone steals my magic! I love the magic. My mother always told me that Santa is a state of mind and that he lives in us all. I believe that. :-)
Tenakim said…
I think we all get that feeling. I had to pull my 13 yr old ( the oldest) aside last year on Christmas night and tell him there was no Santa so he wouldn;t get beat up or something. However, my 9 yr old is already clearly doubting- it is a loss of innocence- grab for the Preparation H tomorrow for the puffy eyes!
mommytoalot said…
awwwww that is the toughest part of being a momma. But so much to celebrate as they get older.
Crazy Momma said…
I swore to my step children that if they EVER told the kids about Santa that they would NEVER get Christmas presents again...

My son is 8...I am waiting for the day. It makes me so sad. Why can't he be innocent just a little longer?
Carolina Mama said…
Our Tigers are 7 1/2 and I have to agree how quickly it all goes. I find it hard accept. :) And I have a sister named Tiffany. :)
Kate said…
Oh that makes me so sad for you...I'm so sorry. I don't have kids but my baby brother is 11 and he stopped believing several years ago and I cried then. I can't even imagine how it will be when I have kids of my own!
Whitney said…
Oh my word. I found out about Santa the hard way when I was 5. My sister believed til she was 12 I think!
Anonymous said…
Awww. That's hard. I forget how old I was but my cousin totally ruined it for me. Darn him. *L* Feel better and don't worry, he'll still love Christmas.
Michele said…
I am a really sappy mom too. Mine are 20 and 18...and I cry with every picture I look at when they were little. Every memory, every story. I so wish they wouldn't grow up...it happens too fast. Yikes, now I'm starting to cry...jeesh, another trip to the bathroom to fix the eyes!

Hugz,
Michele
Michelle said…
Ok, this is just my opinion....but why do kids need to be told the truth about Santa?

I know my girls don't believe that there is a man who flies through the night delivering gifts......but there won't be a moment in time when they will hear me say that Santa isn't real.

Why? Because the "magic" of Santa is real!

I know a lot of people feel they need to tell their kids the "truth." But come on......you don't tell your kids the truth about everything!

Ask your son if believing in Santa is fun......if his answer is yes, then you tell him to keep believing in the magic!
My number 2 is questioning Santa this year too. BOO HOO. Twice. :)
Kalei said…
That is really a fear of mine. C thinks we should tell our daughters from the beginning....he is a scrooge, and I am a Santa's helper....I love christmas. Don't take my sweet innocent christmas from my children and don't make them those kids...you know, the ones that say to the entire class...."there is no such thing as santa, he isn't real"..."my daddy said so!" no way, not me! I am pulling out some tissues for you.
WheresMyAngels said…
I think my son was 7 when some boys told him their was so such thing. I didn't want him to be teased, so I wrote him a letter telling him the real story. Thank goodness he loved reading and I had him read it to me, to make sure he understood.
LORI said…
I GET ALL SENTIMENTAL OVER THE OBVIOUS AND ALSO THE NOT-SO-OBVIOUS OCCASIONS AS WELL...IT'S ALL SO FLEETING!
Anonymous said…
I'm sorry you are going through this. I don't even know if I want to tell my child about Santa Claus, although I'm pretty sure I will. My little one is only 4 months and each month I get sad because he's going to be 18 soon. But I get happy because I can be free. IDK, this life can be too much. Too many emotions going on, certainly something I'm not use to.
Carolina Mama said…
I feel for you. It is such an emotional "milestone." Blessings. We're going for another Christmas believing this year. ;)
RamblingMother said…
Why do they have to grow up?
Nicole O'Dell said…
It does go tooooo fast!

*SITS*
Joanna said…
My son is officially 6-months old yesterday. I don't know what I'm going to do when he's a year old! I dread the time when he questions Santa. I feel your pain! And I know I will be feeling it in the future. Hang in there!
black betty said…
i feel your pain. time flies...(((HUGS)))
Mariah said…
My youngest(9) still believes in Santa and I have threatened the other kids lives if they blow it for her. I feel your pain, can everything just slow down for a minute
tiarastantrums said…
oh terrible - I had my son with me today picking up my daughter from preschool (he is 7) and the moms were talking about right there - I WAS LIVID!!!!!!!!
Anonymous said…
I dear friend told me that when she was young, she asked her father if Santa really existed. He said,
"There is no man that can possible make it all the way around the the world and deliver toys to all the good girls and boys. No man but Santa."
I thought it was a sweet story...I hope your son believes for at least one more year!
You could always tell him that as long as he believes there will always be a present under the tree from Santa.
Melanie said…
This will be our 1st Christmas that all 3 of mine know the "truth"..It sure has been different and sad. :(
Tinabean said…
I feel your pain & know how you feel.
My daughter was 12 when the BUS DRIVER told her & the other kids about santa.
I was so mad I knew it was coming but the bus driver she was such a beast.
everything will be okay though.
TinaMarie said…
Puffy with ya, GF! Just one more year!

Found your site from the STIS site. LOVE IT!!! Great job, Tiffany!
Honey Mommy said…
I will be SO sad when my kids figure out about Santa... good thing my oldest is only two right now!
Sydney said…
I absolutely dread this happening. This is the first year that Alex really gets Christmas. He is three. This is the first year he's not afraid of Santa, he helped decorate the Christmas tree, he keeps talking about how much fun it was to decorate the tree. I feel your pain!
Kaza said…
I feel you. I think it will come all too soon for us, as our 4 year old (yes, FOUR) knew that the school Santa was "just a guy wearing a costume" and nearly found all of her gifts in the closet. She still believes with all of her heart, but she's so smart, and I don't think she'll believe for too many years at all before she starts questioning.

When the hubs told me she was crawling in the closet and nearly found her gifts I was crying with the very notion of the magic being ruined for her. Not that we wouldn't have made it right even if she had found what we've got hidden, but I had a peek into the future, of not being able to sustain the magic, and it broke my heart. They truly do grow up too fast.

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