So, after Shannon gets my response, I start getting more emails from her. She is clearly creating drama in her head. Everything I email to the group, she has to respond with some question or comment. Always using that dreaded "LOL" and always signing it, "Warmly, Shannon".
I continue to get more curt in my responses, and due to her total lack of social awareness, she either doesn't it, or doesn't care. I send an email to the group saying that if they don't like the way things are handled, they should start their own group. And, that drama and whining will not be tolerated. Again, totally lost on Shannon
I decide that I am D.O.N.E. I send this email to the ladies I LOVE in the book club (Shannon, Anne and Joy do not receive this):
I had to write it now because I can't sleep until I do this, I am just tossing and turning!
Only some member of the book club known as "Books, Wine and Fun" will be receiving this email.
I started this book club thinking a few people would sign up, I wanted something that could not only allow me to share my passion to reading, but would also lead to lasting and meaningful friendships. A few people are making this too high maintenance for me to continue in its current form.
My previous email seemed to be heard only by those who didn't need to be told.
So, you will be receiving an email that that group is over.
The new group I am starting will be only between us and will not be on meetup I propose the following foundation to work from.
* We really work to plan meetings when everyone can attend.
*We really, really consider these books and offer crazy and fun ideas on how to do so.
*Gossip and Drama Free
I am so excited to have met you all, and for me its being overshadowed by those who are making this work.
I have thought long and hard about the best way to handle this, and for me, this is it. If you don't agree, I totally understand. All I ask is that you do not pass this on to the members that were not included, they just aren't a fit for what I am looking for (basically easy going) in company. I don't think these members would understand and I really don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.
We can use Evite to schedule things and we can all use email.
I totally understand if this is not what you are looking for or you don't agree with how I've handled it.
Let me know if you are in. Our next meeting will not be on the 12th as I feel very strongly about everyone being included.
PS: For clarification, below is a list of the women receiving this email:
Natalie, Kyla, Sara, Fai, Rachel, Veronica, Michele, Isa, Danielle, Ereika, Colleen and Erica
So, I cancel the meetup listing and all the members receive a generic, generated email. Here is what I get from Ann:
I'm sorry to hear that. Do you have a name/email list of those involved so that I can continue it for those of us who would like to?
She is ready to take over! Thank Goodness the crazy meditation, charity giving lady (me) is out of the picture. Now she can just take over. I tell her, it's all yours. Enjoy (the 2 members that are left!)
Then, the dousy of all emails. This is crazy long. I thought about editing it down, but then it would lose some the utter craziness that makes Shannon so special. So, if you think you may need to pee, or eat, or check on your kids in the next 15 minutes, do it now. I'll wait.
Good, you're back. I have highlighted some of the parts that really showcase Shannon's mental state. I have also made my own comments in red, so you know what I was thinking. Enjoy!
Hi Tiffany! (Exclamation point, really?)
I'm confused....did I do something to upset you? (You are just catching that now?)
Why have you removed me from the group? (Because you are crazy.)
Unfortunately, it's hard to tell someone's intent over the internet as you can't hear a person's inflection, hear their emotion, see their facial expressions or see their body language. ("Crazy" seems to shine right on through.)
If you feel that I have done something to disrespect you or the group, I would certainly like to have the chance to not only hear what I have done from you but I would also like to have chance to explain/defend myself.
I would really like to stay in the book club as I thoroughly enjoy seeing everyone, reading these great books and having stimulating conversations with everyone about them. (You've been to ONE meeting)
I had such a blast at last month's meetup!!
Ironically, I almost wrote you an email today at length apologizing to you for misunderstanding all of the "extras" that you wanted to do for what would have been tonight's meetup.
Unfortunately, the baby that I take care of who is 4 1/2 months old was having nap issues since she has just learned how to roll over and is in a new, big crib, that I didn't have a chance to write you at length so I settled for the shorter email hoping that you felt better soon!! (Why do I care about the baby?)
To be honest Tiffany, I felt like it was mandatory that we do all of these things and I was a little offended as you don't know what my religious beliefs are and what type of charity I do for others on a daily basis, what my financial situation is and what I can and cannot afford to buy not to mention sharing things that we are grateful for can be very personal to some though that was changed to describing ourselves with one word. I have no problem bringing food or wine and I guess that the book clubs that I am used to are a little more simple in that you socialize, have something to eat and/or drink and discuss the book and THAT'S IT!! (Offended? Wow. You are making me more sure of my decision every minute. And, meditation is not religious. It's sitting quietly and focusing...which apparently, IS against your religion. Again with the financial distress regarding charity, but okay with buying wine!)
What I have learned over this past week from talking to others as I was not the only one feeling this way(though I will only speak for myself) is that you are super excited about this group and that you were trying to be creative and keep with the themes of the book.
I get that you weren't trying to necessarily force anything on us but unfortunately from your wording and from your initial description of this book's meetup, that's how it came across. (I come across forceful? Did I write in all caps or something?)
I'm sorry if I misjudged you, I really am and even though I don't know you very well, you seem like a very sweet woman. (I actually wouldn't call myself a "sweet woman". However, you got one thing right. You don't know me very well.)
I, too, am a sweet woman and I would really appreciate you reconsidering your decision and would like to be given a second chance if possible as I think there were lots of misunderstandings throughout the week and a lot of things that got misconstrued. (Nope, no misunderstanding. Your craziness is crystal clear.)
I hadn't had a chance to respond to your latest email to me as I was busy on the phone for 2 hours with a friend of mine from Ny and then Joy and I were on the phone for about an hour as well. (Maybe you should get off the phone and shut your pie hole.)
I wasn't trying to be snotty...I am generally confused as I was getting conflicting emails as to whether we were having a meetup next monday or we were all going to try and meet before that because there was one person...actually later I saw another person say they couldn't make it next monday either....so two...that weren't going to be able to make it. (snotty? No. Crazy. Yes.)
Honestly, I feel that we have gotten off on the wrong foot and I guess I am a little baffled as to why others can say how they feel to you and yet when I do, I get thrown out of the bookclub.
I'm really upset right now Tiffany...I am not going to lie. (Don't lie. Just shut it already.)
I don't want to feel like I have to walk on eggshells with you or scared that if I say something you will throw me out of the bookclub which is exactly what you have done...that's why I spoke with a few people over this past week to get advice from them on how to handle approaching you and talking to you. (advice on how to handle me? Get a life!!!!!)
I am not the type of person that can keep her mouth shut (No kidding.) when she feels strongly about something and I do wear my heart and my emotions out on my sleeve...if you feel that I was causing trouble, that certainly was not the case and not my intention. I was merely trying to figure out if there were others out there that were feeling the same way that I was, which there were and how I could go about letting you know how I felt.
I tried one time to let you know how I felt in regards to asking you not to send out emails discussing the book...atleast not mass emails to everyone... as we all get our books at different times and we all read them at different times and I got back from you what I perceived to be a snotty email so I was a little apprehensive about approaching you this time to let you know how I was feeling. (Snotty email. At this point, I am in hysterics. And, somewhat dumbfounded.)
The bookclub shouldn't be about drama at all but at the same time, we should all feel that we can discuss things openly to you and to each other without fear of repercussion.
I did misunderstand about tonight's emails since I had sent you an email earlier saying I would be able to make it to next week's meetup...so I figured that you would know to call me too but if you were only going by rsvps, I understand why I didn't get a call and why I was left out as my rsvp still says no.
All I can do is to ask you to reconsider your decison once again in hopes that you will take my feelings and what I felt was going on into consideration...I would never say something to others that I wouldn't say to you as well so again, if you felt like I was talking about you behind your back or trying to cause trouble, that couldn't be farther from the truth. (What version of the truth is that? )
I was trying to get some perspective and ironically I told Joy tonight that I was at peace with it and understood that that's who you are and that I would uncrumple my panties, finish reading the book and look forward to next week's meetup. (At peace with it? This is a book club that you have been to ONE time. Don't mention your panties again, as I just threw up in my mouth.)
So, I guess I will respect whatever final decision you make Tiffany and if you do decide to stay with your original decision and not have me in the bookclub anymore...I wish you well too and please know that there aren't any hard feelings on my part. (My final decision is to never see you again. Amen.)
Thanks for taking the time to read this! (Seriously?)
I do hope you are well and feeling better.
With Warmest Regards, (Warmest Regards. This is sincerity at it's best.)
I responded with:
This is too much.
The book club is over.