Marketing Genius...


Dear Tampax,
After using your product for years, I have come to realize you are missing a key element to providing me a "happy period".

Please include a Snickers Bar in every box.  

I think you will find that not only will your sales increase, but your customer loyalty will triple.

Thank you.


PS:  After much consideration (and wine), my friends and I would like to request the following coupons be included in our monthly kit: McDonalds French Fries, Ammunition (maybe buy one get one free?), Electrolysis (those trucker mustaches are a killer) and Prozac or any other good anti-depressant.  

A "Get out of Jail Free Card"  issued by local law enforcement would also be a big incentive to buy your product.  

My husband is requesting a free night or two stay at a nice hotel...

Or, maybe we will all smarten up and just get a Mirena and be done.




Comments

Alison said…
You, my dear, are a genius! They'd have us for life if they realized that.

Like I tell my husband, at that time of the month my happiness is directly related to the amount of chocolate in my bloodstream.
Alison said…
Or, really, at ANY time of the month. ;-)
Anonymous said…
Tiff, you are TOO funny. I find myself checking your blog once or wice a day to see if you've posted. Miss ya so much.
Melissa
Lula! said…
OK, here's the deal. Just a few weeks ago I had a "tampon moment" and was telling a friend that I wanted to blog about it, but feared it'd turn people off. Obviously I should've met you sooner, because you are NOT AFRAID. And I like this.

Anyway...you need to switch to Playtex Sport. No, Snickers don't come with, BUT they do offer edifying quotes on each tampon wrapper. The last one I used read, "YOU ROCK, GIRL!" Who knew a verbal hug of affirmation could come from something as mundane as a tampon wrapper? That's what I wanting to blog about. Playtex Sport Tampons--cheerleaders of my day. Do you love that I have no fear about commenting on it here?
Tiffany said…
Hairline Fracture- I swear the chocolate calms me...

Mel, I am so glad you are enjoying the blog. Thanks for the support.

Lula! You must post about the "cheerleading tampon", as you just made me a believer.
Anonymous said…
A Snickers would certainly take the sting out of being plagued every month for an entire week. I mean it's 25% of our life, from 12 to 50 or so. Sheesh. Can anyone please tell me why, if I'm done having kids, do I need my uterus?
Rachel
Candid Carrie said…
Yeah you need your uterus, it keeps you from growing facial hair ;)

I vote that they include one tampon in each fun size pack of M&Ms. That ought to get me through things just fine!
Heather said…
I'm with Carrie. Why don't the chocolate companies start including tampons with their chocolate? Wait...that's kind of gross but you get the point. They should definitely be in business together somehow. I think you might be onto your million dollar idea, T.
Debbie said…
Can we add a coupon for McDonald's french fries to that request as well? No burger needed. Just the fries;)
Sunshine said…
Oh my gosh, I am totally IN! Brilliant, I tell you! I *love* the way your mind works and SOMEONE at Tampax just got a raise!
Jennifer P. said…
Alright, can someone please tell Carrie that I still have my uterus, and yet I seem to be growing a trucker moustache! Sheesh! A king sized candy bar WOULD take a bit of the sting out of all that......
Candid Carrie said…
Carrie just heard about your mustache (on Entertainment Tonight).

She'll see your mustache and raise you three chin hairs.
Natalie said…
Great idea, just cause I love Snickers. But bitterness is an evil thing.....I don't think even that would make me have a happy period.
Connie said…
Seriously, you girls have got to talk to your OBGYNs ... there are ways to rid yourself of the 'period' without major surgery. I have been Tampax Free for nearly 7 years thus more money for chocolate.
scargosun said…
That is a freaking great idea!
Tiffany said…
Where have you people been all my life? Finally, women who get me.

Carrie- Thanks for the info regarding the pro's of keeping your uterus

Heather- Yes, if the chocolate companies would include feminine products, I'd be all set.

Debbie-Genius. We could ask them to include coupons for all sorts of things... bullets, Prozac, french fires... this could be a win/win situation for all kinds of companies.

Sunshine- You aren't kidding. I did just turn my paperwork in to have my blog "copyrighted"... although, could I really be the first to offer up the idea?

Jennifer- You are one funny chick. Trucker mustache...I laughed out loud;

Carrie- If you lived here I would be stalking you to hang out with me...I still can't get over "elf porn".

Natalie- Bitterness is evil. So is bloating and cramps.

Blarney- Spill it Sister. I need this thing you speak of.

Scargosun- Thank you. Occasionally I see the obvious and write it down.
Insane Mama said…
Oh my god! Yes Tampax needs to team up with Hersheys and quick! I've only got a few day to go
Schmerica said…
This comment has been removed by the author.
Schmerica said…
Unfortunately your scheme may be foiled by the fool who tries to but the snickers bar where the tampon should go...or would that actually be a better treat?!
Connie said…
Mirena ... the word of the day for your obgyn. 5 years of 'being happy period' instead of having a happy period.
Connie said…
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said…
You too!
Heather M.
~Sheila~ said…
Hey..so since you are requesting stuff from Tampons..could you include coupons for free cheesecake?

Thanks! Much appreciated.
Insane Mama said…
I'm all for the McDonalds, the chocolate and the get out of jail free thing. I'm scared of all of us with ammunition and pms....
It would be like a war zone and I predict that it would result it a lot of males dying, and sappy women crying because "it was a mistake" Can't we all just go on vacation once a month?
KatBouska said…
Why don't they just go for the two in one and make chocolate tampons?? Win win. Right?

And I love the husbands addition with the hotel stay.

And don't get the mirena. I got it almost 3 months ago and I've been bleeding/spotting ever since. Not. Fun.
LaQuintamomof3 said…
You make me laugh so hard! Love the hotel stay and I would add a foot rub for the gal with PMS.
Anonymous said…
Look I know I'm way late jumping in here, but I was thinking that including tampons in every bag of M&M's could make for some weird conversations on Halloween night...

I personally would like my tampons to play "I Will Survive" every time I bust one open. I can get through anything with that song groovin' in the background.
Kaza said…
Seriously! LOVE this.
Monogramchick said…
Oh how you put into words what we all feel!! Hysterical :)
Shanan said…
I have just found your blog and it is hilarious! I love reading what you have to write! I hope you don't mind, I added it my favorites. Thanks for giving me the laughs that I needed today!
Anonymous said…
ANYTHING Chocolate will go over big with me! Too funny. You got to include a coupon for a handgun to go with the ammo coupon too!
Fifty K said…
You nailed this one to a T. Couldn't agree more. Great post.
Anonymous said…
What is it with that time of the month and chocolate? It's crazy!
Tabitha Blue said…
Ok, that was hilarious... and perfect! Great letter. :)
Margaret said…
I'm with your husband I would take a night at a hotel. If my hubby has to keep the kids.
Gaspegirl said…
That is brilliant... you have inspired me to write an "open letter" ... now what to write about!
Decor To Adore said…
I find this totally hilarious and TRUE!
Hillarious! Okay, now I want a snickers bars...thanks a lot, hehe :-)
kikibibi said…
One more "check" in the positive comment for Mirena. I wonder if I can get my insurance to pay for it?
Hillarious! Okay, now I want a snickers bars...thanks a lot, hehe :-)
MammaDucky said…
Bahahahaha! Good stuff.
Ah yes, my dear friend the Mirena. Spotted for a few months, then nada-enchilada. But I still need monthly chocolate. Ok, DAILY chocolate.
Aubrey said…
By far, the BEST open letter ever! (i was about to type BEAST, LOL)
Carrie said…
I'd pay a LOT more for that box. And it would be worth every penny...
Malisa said…
I saw your blog link on SITS...so I came over for a visit...and saw this topic...on tampex! Who could pass that up! Let me say just one thing...post-menopause is a beautiful, beautiful thing! After yuo cry for a week for no longer being fertile, you come to your senses and celebrate! Girl, you eat all the snicker you want!

Malisa
Malisa said…
I saw your blog link on SITS...so I came over for a visit...and saw this topic...on tampex! Who could pass that up! Let me say just one thing...post-menopause is a beautiful, beautiful thing! After yuo cry for a week for no longer being fertile, you come to your senses and celebrate! Girl, you eat all the snicker you want!

Malisa
Anonymous said…
OMG...too funny.

Happy SITS day!

Chocolate in every box (hell, in every WRAPPER) might make me switch back. Screw might...it WOULD.

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